


You're a bitch

by SheWolfWitch



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Gabriel NO, Gabriel YES, Human Castiel, Human Gabriel (Supernatural), I like text messaging fanfictions, I read one before making this fic lol, M/M, Multi, Party Animals - Freeform, behind the scenes of destiel and sabriel, castiel does not approve, dont drink while underage PLEASE!!, drunk, oh dear chuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-03-26 12:24:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13857735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheWolfWitch/pseuds/SheWolfWitch
Summary: Castiel and Gabriel party too hard one night and.....shit went down.





	1. Woa Dude

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what I'm doing so just roll with it yall
> 
> worthy of mentioned: I was inspired by "He's kinda cute, but mostly concerning" SPN text fic by a_Fandom_Affliction

 

 **Dec 31** (10:15pm)

 

_TricksterGod is typing..._

 

 **TricksterGod:** HE SAID GIRL YOURE WINNING.

 

 **TricksterGod:** JUST LIKE THAT BABY!!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** Okay, who gave you alcohol?

 

 **TricksterGod:** Balthazar.

 

 **TricksterGod:** and DAMN I’m not even that drunk yet. Just tipsy.

 

 **Beewhisperper:** *sighs* don’t drunk text me plz.

 

 **TricksterGod:** No promises, Cassie  <3

 

* * *

  
  


**TricksterGod:** CAS WAKE UP!!!

 

 **TricksterGod:** WE HAVE A CODE HOT, TALL AND GORGEOUS

 

 **BeeWhisperer:** Bitch, I’m like three feet away from you.

 

 **BeeWhisperer:** What’s the deal?

 

 **TricksterGod:** oh shit, I forgot we came together!

 

 **TricksterGod:** oKAY! Look to your 2:15, I think he has a friend JUST for you Cassie!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I don’t see what you are- oh… OH.

 

 **TricksterGod:** Exactly!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** hmm NOPE. mmmm I’m not going to make a fool of myself.

 

 **TricksterGod:** bitch please.

 

 **TricksterGod:** you won’t be a fool, BY YOURSELF. LETS GO.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** Gabriel, no

 

 **Beewhisperer:** you know how I get when I drink alcohol

 

 **TricksterGod:** Cassie, there’s a time in your life where you just have to shut up and yell YOLO!

* * *

**Jan 1** (11:14am)

 

 _Beewhisperer is typing..._  


**Beewhisperer:** I wish I can chug this entire bottle of circo just to forget eVERYHING, but sadly I’ll never forget about last night.

 

 **Beewhispere:** w hy

 

 **TricksterGod** : it was worth it, Cas.  

 

 **TricksterGod:** YOU

 

 **TricksterGod:** my friend

 

 **TricksterGod:** my main best friendo

 

 **TricksterGod:** you got that blonde douche under your little spell!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** oh my god… please don't

 

 **TricksterGod:** you almost gave him a lap dance….

 

 **TricksterGod:** AFTER 3 SHOTS OF JACK DANIELS CAS OH MY GOD YOU LIGHTWEIGHT.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I will block you.

 

 **TricksterGod:** NO PLEASE NOOOOO

 

 **TricksterGod:** I love you Cassie!!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** did I ever tell you how much I hate it when you call me Cassie?

 

 **TricksterGod:** Yup.

 

 **TricksterGod:** all the time.

 

 **TricksterGod:** oh siht, I got the whole thing on video!!

 

 **TricksterGod:** wow Cassie, you were wild last night

 

 **Beewhisperer:** excuse me while I go drink some bleach.

 

 **TricksterGod:** save me some!

 

 **TricksterGod:** btw, I got the very tall brunette one’s number.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I have the others number on my thigh….

 

 **TricksterGod:** ….

 

 **TricksterGod:** kinky~

 

* * *

  
**Jan 1** (4:36pm)

 **Beewhisperer:** when your hangover is so bad, you have to stay in bed literally for 5 hours.

 

 **TricksterGod:** my life in a nutshell.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I shouldn’t be drinking….I’m not 21 yet.

 

 **TricksterGod:** you will be in a few months Cassie!!!


	2. Dude, what heck?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Abort mission!!!

 

 **Jan 3** (12:04pm)

 

_Beewhisperer is typing.._

 

 **Beewhisperer:** end me now.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I can’t believe he texted me.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** HOW DID HE GOT MY NUMBER???

 

 **TricksterGod:** oh, well you gave it to him and I had to make it sure it was right :)

 

 **Beewhisperer:** …..

 

 **Beewhisperer:** are you seriously trying to hook me up???

 

 **TricksterGod:** listen Cassandra, I just want you to get laid okay!

 

 **TricksterGod:** no strings have to be attached.

 

 **TricksterGod:** DTF!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I now demote you from your title of best friend.

 

 **TricksterGod:** OH COME ON

 

 **Beewhisperer:** tired of your shit

 

 **TricksterGod:** no, you love me

 

 **Beewhisperer:** tru, but still, tired of your shit

 

 **TricksterGod:** come onnnnnn, you need a rebound after that bad break up with Lucifer.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** Don’t remind me.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** little shit, fine but you’ll have to hook up with the tall one.

 

 **TricksterGod:** FUCKING YES.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** ?????

 

 **TricksterGod:** What?

 

 **TricksterGod:** We have reached the point of our friendship where we can plan one night stands!!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** that’s terrifying

 

 **TricksterGod** : it is not, it’s perfectly normal!   


**TricksterGod:** besides, maybe you can figure out how great his game is.

 

 **TricksterGod:** o h god

 

 **TricksterGod:** CASTIEL IF HIS DICK GAME IS GOOD, KEEP HIM

 

 **Beewhisperer:** ….

 

 **Beewhsiperer:** I hope you get a charlie horse

 

 **TricksterGod:** haha, funny.

 

 **TricksterGod:** OW FUCK

 

 **TricksterGod:** MY CALF MUSCLE

 

 **TricksterGod:** FUVKING B I TCH

 

 **Beewhisperer:** awwww, need help?   


**TricksterGod:** Sarcasm is your second language.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** Fourth, actually.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** English, Russian, Profanity, Sarcasm, and Real Shit.

 

 **TricksterGod:** riiiight.

 

* * *

 

(6:05pm)

 

 **Beewhisperer:** Looks like I got a date??

 

 **TricksterGod:** When??

 

 **Beewhisperer:** In like 30 minutes.

 

 **TricksterGod:** OH SNAPS

 

 **TricksterGod:** what are you doing talking to me!? GET READY!!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** fine. But I’m not going to enjoy myself.

 

 **TricksterGod:** bitch, yes you will.

 

* * *

  


(9:45pm)

 

_TricksterGod is typing..._

 

 **TricksterGod:** how’s the date going? ;)

 

 **Beewhisperer:** pretty great so far

 

 **Beewhisperer:** still not having fun tho.

 

 **TricksterGod:** it will be fun once he takes you to the bedroom ;)

 

 **TricksterGod:** remember what I said, keep the man if his dick game is good!

 

 **Trickster God:** like GOD SUPER SAYIAN GOD good!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** stop watching dragon ball super.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** HE SAW THE TEXT!!!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** ABORT MISSION

 

 **Beewhisperer:** aBoRT mISSioN!!!!!

 

* * *

 

 **Jan 4** (2:08pm)

 

_TricksterGod is typing..._

 

 **TricksterGod:** so how was his game?

 

 **Beewhisperer:** nothing happened

 

 **Beewhisperer:** to be honest, he is pretty nice. Might go on a second date with him before we can go straight to the bedroom

 

 **TricksterGod:** You a classy hoe.

 

 **TricksterGod:** “buy me dinner if you wanna get dirty in the sheets” that’s you right now!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** *HUFFS*

 

 **Beewhisperer:** there is no lie.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** speaking of dates

 

 **TricksterGod:** funny story, I actually ran into him.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** and?

 

 **TricksterGod:** we meeting up in a few days.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** is he going to tap it on the first date?

 

 **TricksterGod:** nah

 

 **TricksterGod:** I'm also classy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be working on my 'OFF BLACK' story but HECK, writers block.


	3. Well heck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brace yourself, winter is coming

**Jan 5**  (11:30am)

 

_TricksterGod is typing..._

 

 **TricksterGod:** I'm sitting here right? and something just came to me.

 

 **TricksterGod:** did you ever told me what your future boo's name?

 

 **Beewhisperer:** No, but his name is Dean. and yours?

 

 **TricksterGod:** Sam.

 

 **TricksterGod:** Sammallama

 

 **TricksterGod:** Samsquatch

 

 **TricksterGod:** Samwich

 

 **Beewhisperer:** wow, I can tell your date is going to be a disaster. 

 

 **TricksterGod:** rude. 

 

_Read_

 

* * *

 

 

(1:35pm)

 

 **TricksterGod:** did you just left me on fucking read?

 

_Read_

 

 **TricksterGod:** yOU dId iT aGaiNN!!

 

_Read_

 

 **TricksterGod:** o h ho hooooo! 

 

 **TricksterGod:** Okay Cassie, I see what's happening! 

 

* * *

 

(6:08pm)

 

 **Beewhisperer:** GABRIEL!

 

 **TricksterGod:** oh look whose back from sinning

 

 **Beewhisperer:** THEY ARE BROTHERS!!

 

 **TricksterGod:** huh? 

 

 **Beewhisperer:** Sam and Dean are brothers!!

 

 **TricksterGod:** O H HEC

 

 **TricksterGod:** They never told ussss!!!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I was caught off guard. 

 

 **Beewhisperer:** This is the second time today I was shook.

 

 **TricksterGod:** second?? what was the first??

 

 **Beewhisperer:**....I wasn't ready Gabriel...

 

 **TricksterGod:** ahh?

 

 **TricksterGod:** O H

 

 **TricksterGod:** better keep him Cassie

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I'm ready to go to sleep

 

 **TricksterGod:** I'm deceased LMAOOO

 

* * *

 

 

(10:13pm)

 

 **TricksterGod:** WAIT

 

 **TricksterGod:** THAT MEANS HIS DICK GAME IS ALSO STRONG TOO

 

 **TricksterGod:** Imma die

 

 **Beewhisperer:**   Winter is coming.

 

 **Beewhisperer:** Dean was Jon Snow making it snow on House Targaryen

 

 **TricksterGod:** O H 

 

* * *

 

 

 **Jan 8** (11:15am)

 

 **TricksterGod:** I don't know why but

 

 **TricksterGod:** I'm hella shy just seeing him!!!  
  


 **Beewhisperer:** are you seeing him now??

 

 **TricksterGod:** No! I just happen to see him here at the bodega!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I assume he lives near you?

 

 **TricksterGod:** probably.

 

 **TricksterGod:** should I say hi?? i mean, our 'date' is today!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** nah. dont

 

 **TricksterGod:** SHIT HE SAW ME

 

 **Beewhisperer:** oo too late, better say hi to him now. 

 

 **TricksterGod:** h e ck 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HECK.
> 
> I promise this is the last dirty chapter LMAO


	4. Moose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally made a group chat with their future babes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so you know facebook messenger right? yeah we get to set nicknames now for people. Its more fun than kik lol

**Jan 13** (2:30am)

 

_TricksterGod is typing..._

 

 **TricksterGod:** Im comteplating on life right now

 

 **TricksterGod:**  What is life??? What is air??? how the fuck did I get into this??

 

(10:09am)

 

_Beewhisperer is typing..._

 

 **Beewhisperer:** is that...is that seriously a question? How oblivious are you???

 

 **TricksterGod:** Super. 

 

 **Beewhisperer:** riiiiight anyhow, why are you having your 5th mid-life crisis?

 

 **TricksterGod:** Im seriously crushing so hard right now! 

 

 **TricksterGod:** Like "SENPAI NOTICE ME" crushing hard!

 

 **BeeWhisperer:** is...is that a bad thing???

 

 **TricksterGod:** I DONT KNOW

 

 **TricksterGod:** to be honest, when I first met him, I just wanted to flirt and now I'm hit with a rollercoaster of emotions! this guy is smoking hot and his personality is stabbing me in the chest 37 times!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** that kills people

 

 **TricksterGod:** EXACTLY 

 

 **TricksterGod:** therefore, it's killing me!!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** okay first off, BREATH

 

 **Beewhisperer:** second, Sam is a nice guy. I actually talked to him yesterday when I went to see Dean. 

 

 **Beewhisperer:** Knowing you, having a crush on someone is like a nuclear bomb going off. So how about I come over today and we can fangirl and talk shit about our exs

 

 **TricksterGod:** you're my best friend, love ya!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I know, i'm the best

 

* * *

 

 (1:45pm)

 

 **TricksterGod:** I forgot to tell you they have facebook! :3

 

 **Beewhisperer:** bitch. 

 

 **TricksterGod:** hoe. TUH *flips hair*

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I gotta change my name then.

  

 **TricksterGod:** your name is perfect

 

 **Beewhisperer:** you gave me this name because I got high one time and i was naked and surrounded by bees!

 

 **TricksterGod:** best. day. EVER!

 

* * *

 

_TricksterGod created a group chat_

_Impala has been added to the chat_

_Beewhisperer has been added to the chat_

_DatMoose has been added to the chat_

 

_A/N: Let's pretend Gabriel already set their names!!!_

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I will drop kick you. 

 

 **TricksterGod:** hey, you had it coming

 

 **Beewhisperer:** No, i didn't

 

 **Beewhisperer:** cunt. 

 

 **DatMoose:** Profanity!!!

 

 **TricksterGod:** that his third language Samoose  <3 

 

 **Impala:** Sam, what the hell is up with your name?? 

 

 **DatMoose:** Gabriel

 

 **Impala:** ah

 

 **Beewhisperer:** ew, already displaying affection. 

 

 **TricksterGod** : jealous?????

 

 **Beewhisperer** : no

 

 **DatMoose** : GASP

 

 **Impala:** I'm hurt :'( 

**TricksterGod:** SHOW THAT MAN AFFECTION!! 

 

 **Beewhisperer:** Bite me! 

 

 **DatMoose:** oh shit

 

 **Impala:** call off your man before he bites my little angel!!

 

 **TricksterGod:** LITTLE ANGEL!?! 

 

 **TricksterGod:** hold on

 

* * *

 

 

 **TricksterGod:** DUDE

 

 **TricksterGod:** details????

 

 **Beewhisperer:** we are talking, it's not official since I'm still getting over that moron. I'll tell you the rest in a few, I'm already on your block. 

 

 **TricksterGod:** Casssttttiiiiieeellllll, get it my son!

 

 **Beewhisperer:** why don't you talk to yours?

 

 **TricksterGod:** I'm making progress.

 

 **TricksterGod:** he asked me why my name is like this

 

 **Beewhisperer:** Oh he isn't ready.

 

* * *

 

 

 **Jan 16** (11:30am)

 

 **DatMoose:** Wake up sleepy head

 

 **TricksterGod:** why would you text me at 11am???

 

 **DatMoose:** because we are hanging out today

 

 **DatMoose:** also I'm almost to your house

 

 **TricksterGod:** BUT WHY??? 

 

 **DatMoose:** because I can

 

 **TricksterGod:** I'll spit in your coffee

 

 **DatMoose:** don't

 

 **DatMoose:** or else

 

 **TricksterGod:** or else what?

 

 **DatMoose:** I'll break your arm

 

 **TricksterGod:** ????

 

 **TricksterGod:** is that a threat or a promise??

 

 **DatMoose:** both!!

 

 **TricksterGod:** hehe

 

 **TricksterGod:** challenge accepted. 

 

* * *

 

 

(3:11pm)

 

TricksterGod is typing...

 

 **TricksterGod:** CASTIEL

 

 **TricksterGod:** I GOT AN ANGRY MOOSE ON MY TAIL

 

 **Beewhisperer:** so he finally found out why you got the nickname? 

 

 **TricksterGod:** I'm seriously hiding in a closet!! I had to throw a pillow at him so I can get away!

 

 **TricksterGod:** just...NINJA!! 

 

 **Beewhisperer:** I swear to god, it seems like you two known each other for months but its only been 16 days. 

 

 **TricksterGod:** HE FOUND ME!!!! SOS 

 

 

 

 


	5. gay bomb and tapwater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think I did a Twist & Shout reference by accident

**Jan** 25 (9:30am)

 

_TricksterGod is typing..._

 

 **TricksterGod** : UGHHHH WHY SCHOOL GONNA START

 

 **TricksterGod** : Casssss

 

 **TricksterGod** : Casssssiiieee

 

 **TricksterGod** : Cassandra!

 

 **Beewhisperer** : I'm in class you ass. What do you want??

 

 **TricksterGod** : Save me please!!

 

 **Beewhisperer** : Go talk to your boyfriend

 

 **TricksterGod** : he isn't my boyfriend!!

 

 **Beewhisperer** : I dont knooow

 

 **Beewhisperer** : you both sure act like one. 

 

 **TricksterGod** : I'll stab you in the eye

 

 **Beewhisperer** : and I'll throw you out the window

 

 **TricksterGod** : Yes, give me death

 

 

* * *

 

(3:45pm)

 

 **TricksterGod** : oh snaps Cas, there's this girl in my class looking like a whole SNACK. 

 

 **Beewhisperer** : and Im gay so?

 

 **TricksterGod** : Kinda wanna get her number and see if Sammie Wammie is going to get jealous

 

 **Beewhisperer** : Gabriel, no. That's a bad idea.

 

 **TricksterGod** : Too late~

 

 **DatMoose** : I dare you

 

 **TricksterGod** : JSBFHDFDB

 

 **TricksterGod** : OH MY-

 

 **Beewhisperer** : took you a while to realize you were texting in the group chat, moron.

 

* * *

 

 **LAter on that day, sinful shit happened** (8:00pm)

 

 **TricksterGod** : I learn something today.

 

 **BeeWhisperer** : and that is?

 

 **TricksterGod** : sex with a jealous man is actually quite fun.

 

 **TricksterGod** : I might do it again.

 

 **Beewhisperer** : Gabriel, no. 

 

 **Beewhisperer** : just have normal sex with the man. Don’t be that bitch. 

 

 **TricksterGod** : you right, I’m a classy hoe!

 

 **Beewhisperer** : yes you are!

 

 **TricksterGod** : imma go tell that moose he is mine and imma blow him until he pass out!

 

 **Beewhisperer** : yeah, you go do that. 

 

* * *

 

 **Feb** 5 (2:30pm)

 

 **Beewhisperer** : I need to think of a graduation quote

 

 **Beewhisperer** : quick, give me quote

 

 **TricksterGod** : “Even the lord can’t stop this petty”

 

 **Beewhisperer** : perfect!

 

* * *

 

 **Feb** 6 (12:25am)

 

 **Datmoose** : so I’m watching a video of very angry man who hates gays and saying they gonna test a Gay Bomb over at the middle east

 

 **TricksterGod** : Gay bomb?? What’s a gay bomb?!? I want 12!

 

 **Datmoose** : lol apparently is has something to do with female sex hormones. Wasn’t paying attention until he mentioned the tap water turning people gay.

 

 **Datmoose** : guess that’s why when I brush my teeth I want to suck some dick

 

 **TricksterGod** : Oh my god. 

 

 **Impala** : I didn't know tap water can turn people gay

 

 **Datmoose** : Well it does

 

 **Beewhisperer** : I been drinking it all my life since I was 5

 

 **Beewhisperer** : it taste like rainbows and pettiness

 

 **TricksterGod** : the two main ingredients to create out loving not-so-angelic friend, Castiel!

 

 **TricksterGod** : but forget the tap water!

 

 **TricksterGod** : I need a gay bomb just do I can throw it at my homophobic teacher

 

 **Beewhisperer** : whats her name? Hester? the one that teachers theater class?

 

TricksterGod: yeah her. The bitch needs a girlfriend. 

 

Impala: oh god

 

Impala: just imagine her have heart eyes for Hannah

 

 **Impala** : NOT EVEN, Charlie will go after her!

 

 **Datmoose** : you're not wrong.

 

 **Beewhisperer** : so Dean, you gonna come pick me up or are you going to stay home in your underwear??

 

 **Impala** : I'm coming, I'm coming.

 

 **Impala** : fricking angel.

 

 **TricksterGod** : awwww thats so sweet! you guys getting milkshakes and french fries???

 

 **Beewhisperer** : yes actually. 

 

 **TricksterGod:** getting to the diner by motorbike?

 

 **Datmoose:** Gabriel, no.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HECK LMAO
> 
> I did this just to bother my friend on IG. 
> 
> I regret nothing


End file.
